EMO

I can't remember the last time I really felt HAPPY.

Happiness can be spelt in many ways, be it the free-without-a-care-in-the-world kind of HAPPY, giddily delirious kind of HAPPY, or the peaceful, blissful type of HAPPY.

I've experienced all of it before. If only I had captured each moment and bottled it up, I could have a swig any time and life would be so much more pleasant an experience.

What is happiness actually? It's something so impalpable that the dictionary has to cheat when it comes to explaining happiness.

HAPPY- having feelings of pleasure

And so I looked up 'pleasure'.

PLEASURE- the feeling of happiness

??!!#$$%%@??!!


I know I know. In science happiness is nothing but a physiological response of the brain to hormone stimulation at the hippocampus. (is it??) I hated that chapter anyway, and everything that has to do with the brain is still very vague.

In that case I must conclude that my feel-good hormones (dopamine? seretonin?) are not all that abundant.

I wish I could go back to the times when listening to my favourite song on the radio would fill me with such joy and 幸福, and just staring at Nicholas Tse's picture would make me totally giddy with happiness! And it was a newspaper cut-out, for god's sake.

I miss losing myself in the world of a good book. I miss waking up smiling. (wait, I never did wake up smiling before. Sleepyheads don't do such things) Ok, so I miss going to sleep smiling. I miss feeling happy when bingeing on snacks. I miss loving a movie so much that I can watch reruns of it. I miss being happy to see people I like. I miss laughing at lame songs and mv-s....


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I suspect my melancholia was triggered by the dark clouds this evening. The sky turned so dark that I thought it was going to rain. But apparently it had a bad bout of constipation so nothing came out of all the darkness, black clouds and strong wind except for me and my melancholia.