My grandmother

My grandmother practises the proper yoga breathing technique, where the stomach and not the chest rises and falls with each breath.

My grandmother has blackheads on her nose. I feel like squeezing them out for her sometimes.

My grandmother is ninety-six years old and she cannot see nor can she walk anymore. She hardly remembers me now. But the bump on her knee still remains, caused by a fall which the one-year-old me was to be blamed for apparently.

During her bath this morning, grandma fell into a deep sleep and gave everyone a big scare. No amount of calling or petting could rouse her. Finally after she was done with powdering and dressing, she suddenly moved her hand to pick her nose.

Ah ma complains of feeling 'hangat' or heaty. Her body is seized by coughing fits now and then, often ending with a great sneeze that racks her whole body. Her efforts to expel the phelgm irritating her throat expend her energy and turn her face red with exertion. There is nothing much we can do except stroke her back to soothe her. Grandma has tried two cough mixtures which didn't seem to do any good to her. She has also taken mint leaves infusions sweetened with sugar which taste really good by the way. The mucosolvan tablets started two days ago seem to be working though. Her coughing fits are more infrequent, less violent and not so chesty now. The pharmacist said the tablets dissolve phelgm which will then be ingested and needn't be expelled.
(Uh-oh. Ah ma just started coughing violently again.)

During lunchtime yesterday, Ah ma couldn't swallow her oyster porridge. It remained in her mouth. Ah ma couldn't respond to our urges to swallow or spit it out. We gave her a sip of water. She couldn't swallow it either. Mum panicked slightly, while I tried to recall my biopharm knowledge. If I recall correctly, dysphagia = inability to coordinate swallowing happens with ageing. Is it dysphagia? My memory from that period in time of exams is extremely vague and hazy now.. I really hope I pass my exams. Results are to be released tomorrow. I have vowed to be hardworking from now on.
Anyway, it turned out my ah ma was too sleepy to swallow. She asked for 'ayak' ('air' in standard malay or 'water' in english) soon after and could drink perfectly well again.

My mum and aunties were slightly alarmed when they noticed grandma's leg seize involuntarily during her sleep a few times. Uh-huh, if I don't remember my biopharm, at least I remember episodes from House. House once detected a brain dysfunction when he saw a boy's leg muscles twitch involuntarily while awake. According to him, the twitching was a natural reflex when a person is asleep. A-hah.
Actually I experience such twitching too sometimes when I'm dozing half-way between sleep and consciousness.

My grandmother loves her 'po-chim' (bolster) very much, not unlike me. She likes to have it resting between her calves when she sleeps.

My grandmother sleeps on her side, like me too. She tosses and turns a lot when she can't sleep.

Ah ma has a very sweet nature. She neither frets nor grumbles. Her disposition is child-like now. Her frequent calls do not stray far from 'pukul berapa?' , 'hangat, hangat' , 'mau mandi, mau mandi' , 'mau ti-dok' , and her favourite of all: 'ayak ayak'. When she can't sleep, she gets restless and talks a lot in between consciousness. Two days ago, ah ma had trouble falling asleep. Her old memories resurfaced and she talked loudly of people during her younger days. Ah ma kept saying 'niao chu! u niao chu! a neh dua chiak ae niao chu! di lang ae chu' (meaning 'rat! There's a rat! Such a big rat in our house!' ), while gesturing that the rat was about 20cm in length. I asked my ah theoh (uncle) to buy niao chu's number, don't know if he did.

When I was young, around standard five or six, I once accompanied my ah ma out to the porch to pray to Ti Kong (God of Heaven) in the evening. My task was to put her joss sticks into the urn at the altar which required standing on a bench to reach. Ah ma's prayer lasted well over 20 minutes. I should know because I was checking my watch now and again in disbelieving amazement. Everyone in the family was included in her prayer for their health, wealth and well-being. Ah ma would name each and every one of her son, daughters, daughter-in-law, son-in-laws, grandsons and granddaughters; for each person she would offer specific entreaties for blessings. For her grandchildren it would always be for us to be 'guai guai, gao gao tak chek' (be good and be clever and study hard). She stood praying for a very long time; an eighty-something ah ma, motioning her joss sticks in prayer for everyone in her family. When I exclaimed to my aunties later, they said that she always took this long to pray every evening.


I wish for my ah ma to be happy and peaceful.